Loss

I lost our baby yesterday, following my son’s first birthday, it’s sort of ironic, I lost the baby while celebrating the life of my first baby.  Right now I just feel empty, I am so sad and tired.  I had this terrible moment when I woke up this morning like it was all a dream and I was still pregnant.  Then I woke up from that haze and it was like it had happened all over again.  I’m sure I’ll grieve and my life will return to normal, I mean this just happened.  But right now every time I look at my son I think about what we lost.  I can’t hide from babies, not only are they everywhere, I mean 3 of my friends are pregnant but my baby boy is there to remind me of all the joys of having a baby.  I’m trying to remind myself I’m so lucky to have Colin, and that I need to focus on that.  But I wish I could just hide for a few days.  But instead I’m trying to fight off that overwhelming sense of depression and guilt while I care for my baby boy.